In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful; blessings and peace be upon Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.
The Declining Day (Al-'Asr) 1. By the declining day, 2. Lo! Man is in a state of loss, 3. Save those who believe and do good works, and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to endurance.
It is my everyday routine to sit in front of the TV after returning home from the masjid after performing ‘subuh’ (dawn prayers). There are some good religious and motivational programmes on TV such as ‘Motivasi Pagi’ and ‘Tanyalah Ustaz’.
One day while listening to ‘Motivasi Pagi’; I was moved when the ‘ustaz’ involved when talking about about the character of a good husband said he is not the one who provided for all the material pleasures demanded by his wife but who was able to guide her for her safety in this world and more importantly in the Hereafter.
He read a verse from the Qur’an with the meaning: “O! You who believe, save yourself and your families from Hell-fire, whose fuel are humans and stones (idols) over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.” (At-Tahrim 66: 6)
Yes, provide for and save your wife from Hell-fire; you are on the right track to be a good husband. Unfortunately in today’s material world, a man who could provide worldly pleasures and fulfill the lust of his wife is looked upon as a good husband.
The wife’s crave for those pleasures are fulfilled. ‘High class’ women demand ‘high class taste of living'; perhaps these included shopping in top fashion and capital cities of the world such as New York, London and Paris looking for Birkin handbags, diamond rings and so on. She also demands to stay in top and exclusive hotels of the world and attending star-studded party.
The ‘ustaz’ said, to have a ‘religious’ wife, you should be ‘religious’ too. A good man is for a good woman and vise versa. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him – s.a.w.) in a hadith by Bukhari and Muslim said: “A woman may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust!”
Of course a religious wife would not demand from her husband worldly pleasures which are not within her husband’s means. She knows his limitation and acknowledges her obligation to obey and please him.
In Islam, the husband is the ‘qawwaam’ (maintainer) of his wife so that he will be a ‘real man’ knowing how to steer the ship of family life towards the shore of safety and guidance.
Islam warns all men against the trail and ‘fitnah’ (temptation) of women, which may make them heedless and weak, and lessen their religious commitment, so that they turn a blind eye to the waywardness and unIslamic behaviour of their wives.
In such a case a husband has no say: his wife is controlling everything in the home, so that he dare not disobey her, or answer to her back, or refuse any of her wimps. The Prophet (s.a.w.) was right when he said that this is the most damaging of trails and temptations that a man can be faced with: “There will be no ‘fitnah’ after my death that is worse for men than the ‘fitnah’ of women.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Muslim husband is a man who is not weak in dealing with the trial of a wayward wife, no matter how difficult that ‘fitnah’ is. He gently makes it clear to her that no matter how much he loves her, he loves Allah and the Prophet (s.a.w.) more, and his desire to please Allah is stronger than his feelings for her: Say, [O Muhammad], "If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, wealth which you have obtained, commerce wherein you fear decline, and dwellings with which you are pleased are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people." (Qur’an 9:24)
In this way, the female waywardness which we see in many so-called Muslim homes will be done away with. The man who sees his wife, daughters and sisters going out in the street with make-up, uncovered heads and bare arms, clothed but seeming naked and does nothing to stop this disobedience in Islam, has surely lost his manhood, abandoned Islam and earned the wrath of Allah SWT. He is a ‘dayus’.
There is no way out of this predicament but sincere repentance which will wake him up, restore his manhood and set him back in the straight path.
Islam considers women to be a trust which has been given to men for safe-keeping. As the wife is usually influenced by her husband, he may take her with him to Paradise or lead her to Hell. Therefore Allah SWT ordered the believing men to protect both themselves and their families from the Fire and gave a terrifying picture of the awful fate that awaits them if they neglect their responsibilities towards their wives and families and fail to compel them to adhere to the truth. – The Ideal Muslim, Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi (IIPH)*
Eventhough a wife is commanded to obey her husband, it is only within the limits of permissiblility, fairness and justice. Women enjoy more protection and respect within Islam compared to any other faith, wrote Dr Y Mansoor Marican in his note ‘Invitation to Understanding Islam’ (www.perkim.net.my).
He writes: “The rights of a Muslim woman include the right to have her survival and sexual needs met by her husband, a marriage contract, and divorce, refuse a marriage proposal and maintain her name when entering marriage.
“She also has the right to inheritance, own and run her own business, exclusive possession of her assets and disposes them in ways that she considers appropriate. In the spiritual realm, women are equal to men as the only distinction amongst the Believers is the level of their piety. The status accorded to women in Islam is best exemplified in the reply of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when asked about Paradise: “It is at the feet of the mother.” (Bukhari)
Regarding women, the Prophet (s.a.w.) said that, the world and all things in it are valuable; and one of the most valuable in the world is a virtuous woman.
One day a woman asked the Prophet what were her duties towards her husband. To her, he replied: “A wife should not leave her home without her husband’s permission. Women are the twin halves of men.”
God enjoins you to treat women well, for they are your mothers, daughters and aunts.
The rights of women are sacred. See that women are maintained in the rights assigned to them.
When a woman performs the five daily prayers, and fasts in the month of Ramadan, and is chaste, and is not disobedient to her husband, then tell her that she can enter Paradise by whichever door she chooses.