'Troubled families produce troubled children...'

****************** In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful; blessings and peace be upon Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. ******************* Reflection ******************* The Declining Day (Al-'Asr) 1. By the declining day, 2. Lo! Man is in a state of loss, 3. Save those who believe and do good works, and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to endurance. ********************* Nowadays our country seems to be gripped with violence and among the latest was the case of a man shown beating up his wife inside a lift in front of two of his children. ******************** It was reported that the police are on the manhunt for a 36-year-old civil servant who repeatedly assaulted his wife in the lift in a private hospital in Bandar Perda, Bukit Mertajam. The violent actions of the man had gone viral over the internet. ********************** The two minute and twenty second recording, titled “Suami dayus pukul isteri dalam lif depan anak” (Cowardly husband beats wife in lift in front of children) has been widely shared and circulated on social networking sites. *************************** The video shows the wife, a factory worker, being repeatedly punched, slapped and kicked by her husband inside the lift in front of their children who are believed to be aged between four and five. The couple were said to be on the brink of being divorce. *********************** "Well, troubled families produce troubled children..." commented a relative who is a teacher in Perak who was at my house with his family during a 'raya' visit on Wednesday, 14th August. ********************** His wife who is also a teacher nodded, giving her husband more confidence. He continued saying: "Nowadays, teachers have to face tough problems and situations in schools created by boys and girls from troubled families especially from broken homes." **************************** He said it was true that teachers had been always coping with problems posed by children from broken families but lately cases involving such children are on the rise at a very alarming rate. ************************** Perhaps the teachers' grouses were right since a recent study by the Islamic Development Department Malaysia (Jakim) stated that 77 couples get divorced each day in Malaysia. There are also reports saying on the average three divorces occur per hour among Muslim couples. ******************** Among reasons of the divorce are irresponsible husbands, financial problems and involvement of an outsider in their relationship. ********************** A divorce will affect a couple's children who are often left unattended by their parents and many are sent to their grandparents who are often old and too soft in their methods of bringing up the children. *********************** The teacher admitted that both husbands and wives had huge responsibilities over their children; but during the discussion session in my house, he preferred to 'have a word of advise' to young men who would be future husbands and fathers. ************************** "Nowadays, we have too many irresponsible husbands or fathers; sorry to say some of them are busy chasing after other women for a potential second, third or fourth wife rather than to take great care of their families. Others are involved in troublesome activities such as being involved in drugs, gambling, criminal activities and frequenting entertaining outlets such as discos and pubs. ************************** "Then there are also many cases of 'lazy' husbands and fathers; they do not work but 'hang around' in 'kedai kopi' (coffee shop) but left all responsibilities of running their families in the hands of their wives who had also to work for a living. ************************** There are also husbands who were obsessed in religious cults; they would leave their families for days and even months without providing proper living requirements. ************************** "If the father showed a 'tidak apa' (could not care) attitude about his family but keen on 'his activities'; I am afraid to say that his children too would follow 'that style in their development' - they would create trouble in school and as teachers at times we are forced to put aside our precious teaching hours to attend to their needs. ************************ "Yes, teachers are change agents, providing the impetus for the emergence of educated communities, but can we always survive in that extremely challenging circumstances? Nowadays, we have to cope with violence within and outside the classroom often posed by our very own pupils. Remember several teachers especially in the East Coast states have been shot dead! ********************** The teacher admitted that many of the problems faced by society including in schools nowadays was the result of our own lacking trust in Allah SWT as only He can provide everything for us. He is the Provider and Giver, but what we have here...we are copycats of Western ideas including in education - some of them were even rejected by them! *************************** So return to Islam, said the teacher. "Isn't that Aidilfitri (Eid) is about, we should return to our true self; return to the words of Allah SWT," he said. "Actually we need guidance; so let's Allah SWT guide us." *************************** Human beings are in great need of guidance and education, so that they be able to practice their humanity and play the role in the life that Allah SWT intended them to play. **************************** Note that our plans and actions are only to please Allah SWT and not to the fancy and whims of our political masters. The sincere Muslim seeks to earn the pleasure of Allah in everything he does. He is not concerned with seeking the approval of others. Were it is not for His Divine guidance, mankind would be left wallowing in the mire of selfishness, hatred, domination and oppression. ************************** The husband is the protector of his family in this world and in the Hereafter. In the Qur'an 66:6, Allah SWT says: "O' you who believe! Save yourselves and families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded." ************************** Islam recommends men to treat women well, and gives the status they have never enjoyed in any other religion. So to the husband who had battered his wife (and brought shame to the great religion of Islam); remembered Allah SWT says in the Qur'an (4: 34): "Men are protectors and maintainers (qawwaamoon) of women, because Allah has given the more (strength) than the other, and because the support them from their means..." ********************** The Prophet s.a.w. admonishing all men: "Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a rib. The part of it is most bent is the top. If you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain bent. So treat women kindly." (Bukhari and Muslim) ************************ Battering one's wife in front of their children is a sign of a very negative upbringing for them - the results will be disastrous. The children will grow up to be a source of annoyance, frustration and constant concern including to their teachers in school. ********************* But as a member of society, we must remember that not only a ‘cikgu’ or an ‘ustaz’ (religious teacher) is entrusted to give light to society including dealing with problematic children in school and outside that institution but it is a duty for all. ************************** In Islam, it is an obligation for all but we must remember a parent is really the child's first teacher and critical to his or her achievement in life. In fact teaching the family is an obligation of the head of the household (the father)! *************************** So to all fathers, be a responsible one; please and please protect yourself and your families from a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is people and stones. Please acknowledge and copy the life-style of the greatest teacher of all time - Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.